How to help those struggling with body confidence during the holidays
The festive period may be a time for joy and celebrations for many. But for others it can be a time of anxiety and worry.
A lot of us will know that as we spend time with our loved ones, there are certain topics of conversation that arise, some of which we’d really rather avoid. Comments such as ‘still single I see’ or ‘you probably shouldn’t be wearing that at your age’.
You may even get the classic ‘you look like you’re packing a few extra pounds’... yes we may have acquired a bit of a lockdown bod – but it’s Christmas and we want to enjoy ourselves so we don’t’ intend on changing that. And anyway if Mark Darcy can like Bridget Jones just the way she is then what’s to say that is any different for us.
We‘ve previously spoken about how you can take time to put yourself first over the festive period. But sometimes you aren’t necessarily the one under fire. Sometimes you are witness to someone else’s discomfort; whether it be the questions, the large numbers of people or even having to eat with company. There could be numerous reasons as to why someone is struggling and you may be unsure on how best to help without worsening the situation.
We’ve pulled together this guide on how you can help someone who is struggling:
Invite
Ask them if they would like to do some kind of activity with you. This might be walking, a game of badminton, a board game or a craft. Ideally something non-television related so you can connect and talk, although if you can only get them to watch that re-run of Home Alone then that’s a great place to start. Providing a trusted space where they can open up and speak and feel safe with you is important when we want to communicate with others. Timing is everything, no one wants to have a conversation in a rush or if they have other priorities. Space with you doing an activity means they might get out of the struggles in their head and start enjoying the moment with you instead.
Gestures
Never under-estimate a meaningful gesture, this can change someone’s world. It might feel too much to open up a conversation, but there other ways you can show that you care through the daily gestures you make. This can include sending supportive text messages, writing a note for them to find, a hug or making a cup of tea, Ground-breaking work by psychologist John Gottman [1] showed that he could predict which relationships would be successful by the amount of small gestures of good-will that were displayed between people. This is not about materialistic things but about small daily gestures that show attention and caring, like making a cup of tea – where we get to create a moment where we can open up and talk together.
Speak Up
If the person you are worried about is not eating then the advice from BEAT is to speak up immediately. The research [2] shows that people with eating disorders the earlier they get support, the more likely to recover. There are helplines (which can be found at the end of this blog) that are specifically for supporting the friends and families of those with eating disorders. An eating disorder is a mental health condition and we don't always know the scale of the problem. BEAT estimates that 1.25 million people in the UK suffer from an eating disorder, but we don't know how many people haven't come forward or recognised their illness. Eating disorders are complex and a serious mental illness. Anorexia has a higher mortality rate than any other illness. However with support people with eating disorders can and do get better [3].
Ask Permission
Do not make the assumption that a person wants to speak with you about their body confidence. This is a very sensitive and emotive topic. We know how much you care, and it is really, really tough for people watching someone they love struggle with their confidence and body image. We recommend starting out by sowing the seeds for later conversations and asking permission to speak. This way you can give control to the person you are speaking to and they will feel more empowered from the get go.
For example; ‘I really care about you and I noticed you seemed a bit worried or down about yourself/your body. Is it ok if I open up a conversation where I hope to support you? I might not say everything right but I feel as a person who cares for you deeply that saying nothing doesn’t sit right with me either. If you would like to suggest a time to chat with me I want you to know I am here.’ Using this example gives people time to process what you are saying and to respond. Give them an option to choose another time so that they can think about it and don’t feel pressured on the spot. Just because it is the right time for you doesn’t mean it’s the right time for them, so try not to make that assumption. But you can reassure them that you are there for them when they are ready to talk.
Role Model
Be the body confident role model and embody it. More and more people are feeling bad about themselves and we have never been under so much pressure as we are today. The body confidence movement seeks ambassadors to the cause who can promote body confidence and help us on our mission to ensure that no one is prevented from getting what they want out of their life because they are worried about their bodies or their looks. How? Speak positively about yourself, care for your body, get active, follow body positive news online, share your tips below, and spread our festive blog series far and wide (you get extra presents from Santa for this one).
We hope that you’ll find this useful in supporting those who are struggling over the festive period. We have more tips on have to relieve anxiety in our recent blog which may also be of interest. You can find more body positive inspiration on our social channels, including our Body Image ‘Hot Topics’ series.
Written by Ldn Dares Artistic Director and Body Confidence Coach Ursula Joy
Information and Help
BEAT
W: beateatingdisorders.org.uk
T: 0808 801 0677
E: help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk
Youthline
T: 0808 801 0677
E: fyp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk